Pancake
by weee42
Summary: The Doctor, Jamie, and Zoe are attacked by a pancake. Rated T for lack of clothing.


"Jamie!" gasped Zoe. She was wearing a dress made of blue bubble wrap with a cute hat of glow-in-the-dark duct tape. It was extremely kawaii and fashionable. Romana would be proud.

Jamie, on the other hand, was completely naked. He was faintly embarrassed and attempting to cover his important parts with a handy bowl. "Why bother starting now?" the Doctor had muttered upon seeing this. Jamie, remaining ferociously Scottish, was turning a bright red as a look of realization passed Zoe's face.

Suddenly, a giant pancake burst into the room. "Jamie! Zoe! When I say run..." the Doctor managed to say before being dragged from the room by Jamie's Scottish man-muscles.

Upon exiting, the Doctor pulled himself free of Jamie's naked Scottishness* and was all rumpled looking and did the thing where he tries and fails to pretend he still has some dignity left. Zoe was miffed. Some of her bubbles had popped and her hat was glowing irritatedly. Jamie was still extremely naked. "The door should be closed for.. oh" the Doctor looked up, "five minutes and twenty-two seconds."

"Have you been cooking again?" Zoe asked.

The Doctor yelled,"No! Absolutely not!" Jamie looked over disapprovingly (and nakedly.) "Well, maybe." the Doctor added sheepishly.

"I thought we agreed never to do that again!" Jamie said, Scottishly. (In case you couldn't tell.)

"Yes, yes, I know. But I thought we could use some pancakes! I love pancakes. Nothing goes with recorder music and syrup quite like pancakes."

"Syrup?" Jamie and Zoe asked in unison before the door gave way to a sea of sticky liquid and an oversized monster pancake.

"Run!" the Doctor shouted over the wave of syrup.

They attempted to run, but the syrup was too quick for them and they were all drenched in sweet delicious maple syrup. This made it somewhat difficult to continue running because they were all sticky. The ten-foot tall pancake was gaining on them.

"My dress is ruined! It's covered in syrup!" Zoe cried. (They were all still running by the way.) Jamie looked down at himself, but said nothing.

They ran into the conveniently-placed secondary console room, and did the thing where they get their breath back. The pancake pounded on the door outside.

"What do we do, Doctor?" Jamie asked Scottishly.

"We find you clothing, Jamie." the Doctor replied. "It's all we have left. I'm afraid this is the one evil I can't face."

"There must be something we can do!" Zoe yelled desperately.

"Well..." the Doctor said, "I might have something..." He began rooting through a closet which there apparently was in the room. He threw aside various scientific looking things which Zoe looked interested in and which hurt Jamie's head just to look at before finally pulling out a fancy gold colored outfit with a fantastic headdress.

"I'm not wearing that!" Jamie objected, "It'll be too tight in the legs. Don't you have any good old fashioned kilts on this space machine of yours?"

"It isn't that bad. Besides, haven't you worn pants** before?" Zoe asked Jamie.

"Pants?" Jamie said. The door flew across the room.

"Oh dear," said the Doctor. He had forgotten about the giant ravenous pancake that was trying to kill them. He decided the best course of action was to cling to the nearest person. Which was Jamie. It was always Jamie. He wasn't usually quite so naked though. (Usually.) Of course it wasn't bad _at all._

"My mind seems to be wandering." the Doctor realized.

"It certainly is, Doctor. Next time watch that your hands don't as well." Jamie said.

"They were not!" the Doctor looked at his hands and promptly took them away.

"We are still in danger!" Zoe screamed and the Doctor and Jamie.

"Right! Of course Zoe! Danger, lots of danger!" The Doctor decided to press some buttons on the console.

"Doctor, do you even know what you're doing?" Jamie asked.

"Of course I do!" the Doctor defended himself. The pancake lay on the floor. "See?"

"Alright." Jamie said. The room shook and they all fell to the ceiling. Jamie winced.

Jamie and Zoe gave the Doctor a look. He made noises like "Oh, um, hm, ah."

Zoe sighed dramatically. She could fix this using her amazingly smart smartness. If only she could reach the console. But she couldn't. Because she was on the ceiling. And she was short. She would ask to climb on the Doctor's shoulders, (Not Jamie's. He was too naked.) but unfortunately that wouldn't help because he was also very short.

"Why are we the only ones the ceiling?" Zoe asked.

"Relatively speaking, we're on the floor and the furniture is on the ceiling." the Doctor answered. There was a clatter and a monster pancake fell on Jamie's head.

"Not anymore. That's for sure." He groaned.

"Don't panic Jamie!" the Doctor yelled, panickedly. "The pancake has a short half-life. It should degenerate very soon!"

At that, the giant pancake dissolved and the ceiling and the naked Scot were covered in smaller pancakes and syrup. Everything was covered in syrup actually. Zoe had long since given up on her once-fabulous dress and decided to take initiative.

"Doctor, let me climb on your shoulders!" she ordered.

"Well... Zoe, I hmm... " the Doctor said.

"Doctor, please. You must." begged Zoe.

What followed was a lot of grunting and imbalance while Zoe got on top of the Doctor found the right buttons to press.

"There!"she smiled, and they all toppled back to the floor. Again, there was a lot of grunting until everyone got to their feet.

"You two look a mess!" cried Zoe, "and so do I!"

The Doctor replied, "Speak for yourself."

They exited the console room. Then they went to a different room, right across the hall. It was the swimming pool room because the TARDIS put it there. (Thankfully.)

"Thank goodness!" sighed Zoe.

The Doctor said, "A good bath is just what we all need, right Jamie?"

Jamie was just glad that he could change afterward. Into a kilt. A Scottish kilt. The two companions were going to make sure the Doctor never stepped foot in the TARDIS kitchen again.

And everything was kawaii.

The End

*Jamie is very Scottish.

**Pants is British for underpants.


End file.
